Emotional rainbow

So I’m 5 days in. I’ve gone through a huge rainbow of emotions and I’m sure that will carry on. 

I drove into the sunset seaking out the beach chasing this crazy pink sky! It’s strange here, I’m used to wiggling down roads to get to a beach but it really isn’t like that here, if u don’t hit the right beach your off into territory where locals may not be quite so inviting! 


This week I drove about 70miles to south point which is the most southern place of the USA! 

The scenery changed from lush green to volcanic to kinda desert like. The weather changed as quick as the views did too, piercing sun to stormy clouds rolling in to sandy hot winds leaving my face burning once I got back into the AC! It was awesome and the ocean just didn’t stop, I’ve never looked out and seen how insanely vast it is. You are intimidated and attracted all in one hit! It totally scares me and it’s something I really need to overcome! Watching locals and their kids here makes you see how it is In their blood their soul, and so far from mine! I think it will be though, my goal is every day swim and just become comfortable! 

So the downside…I’ve not seen one hot guy! Totally serious, I genuinely may have to move islands to see the sexy surfers we all imagined! May have just about seen two but they are not from here…!!!! 

Agggggghhhhhhhh noooooooooooo!!!!! 

Even though this is the big island it defiantly has a small island mentality so apparently I’m like fresh meat here! Not sure how people have seen me and me not them….. May the mystery be unraveled! 

Apparently here the saying goes…you dont loose a girlfriend you just miss a turn… The travelling singleton it remains and proudly so although a little dissapointed in what I imagined would be beach candy EVERYWHERE !

 I have to say I’m falling in love with the island so to be honest I’m pretty stoked with that alone i travelled the other way today and it was awesome. The scenery is so amazing it looks like backs drops every time I drive around a corner! I drive the corner and I gasp, I drive the corner and I’m over whelmed. I did have a tour guide which may of been one of the fore mentioned  who isn’t a local…………….

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Aloha Aloha 

First full day down and Hawaii certainly does what it says on the tin. 

The place is full of energy but more the kind of energy that you feel inside that connects you with everything around you. It’s incredibly spiritual and so are those that are here, Especially here on the big island. They say you are brought here, that you don’t decide, it simply chooses you! And I believe it. Each person I have met has a story of why they are here and the way their lives have gone since. It’s massively captivating and I can’t wait to here more. 

The area I’m staying is considered the most spiritual and scared on the island. Tonight I drove around the back roads as the sun was setting and all though as it became darker and darker and I was further and further out of my comfort zone I kinda felt OK, not scared just that it was ok. 

I’m laying here fan full blast, pitch black and the bugs are so loud, kinda annoying but nice at the same time. What wasn’t was a bloody cockroach landing on my head last night and just now again on my chest! I may tame him as my new friend. 

I am hoping to meet some friends soon, it feels amazing being here, I feel grounded and calm but at the same token I feel incredibly lost and lonely. The U.K. Is 11hrs in front so my usual FaceTimes and chat to my best friend from waking till bed aren’t happening and not being able to share feelings is pretty hard. 

On the plus side I’m setting up surf lessons ASAP and being introduced to a guy this week who apparently knows everyone…. Even Eddie Vedder!!!! I need to meet this guy even for an insight into Vedder!!! 

I’m going to go visit the lava tomorrow, it’s been flowing for 3 weeks and is still going! I may cycle as driving on the wrong side is fooking trippy, especially in the dark when you have a tiny skinny drive to spot… Yes I drove past it 3 times before finding it ! Doesnt when drinking a Kona coffee that is so strong it gives you the  shakes!!!!!!!!!!! Forget nespresso, Kona coffee is insane!!! 

Karma 

Who ever said karma isn’t real hasn’t experienced it. 


I’m on my first flight to start my adventure. The whole process getting here has been really smooth. I was told that if your ment to be in Hawaii your life becomes synchronised as that I feel it does. 

 It was obviously incredibly hard saying good bye to my friends and family, my best friend I watched cycle away until she was a little dot and my parents and I waved and waved until I couldn’t see them any longer ! I opened my parents card and it was so precious. On unwritten side was the below… My mums heart and thought blows my mind! Massive tears of course…But the rest of this transitionwas easy!


From my beautiful friend having an empty garage where I could store my home. To the timing of closing my business, the sun shining at my party, my brother coming back from surfing in time today goodbye. 


Then arriving at the airport and being allowed 7kg extra in luggage! Then an upgrade, and then getting into a lounge to enjoy breakfast and FaceTimes with people. 

The best was getting on the plane and the girl who would of been behind me was about to sit down, but reallh upset she had half a window not a full one. I offered to swap! Two mins after I swapped the two people next to me were moved. I have three seats to myself now, I’m laying down and have a red wine in hand-Bonus! Karma at play me thinks,yes?!?



What wasn’t karma was the ridiculously old fashioned set up of movies, where the whole plane watching the same thing! It was like the stone ages of flight! And he movie was MARVEL! Jesus Mary no Thankyou, I was looking forward to a few cheesy romcoms, sit back, sorry lay over my three seats and drift off into a fantasy world of romance!

Hey Ho! Music, audio books and sleep! More energy saved to hit Hawaii with all my might! 


Detox now retox 


So I sat at a beautiful meal with my parents and family friends. The topic of blogging came up… Social media seems to do two thing, we either spread the word that life is amazing or people are raw and just tell you how it is. One tries to please other people rather than to please ones self, and one tries to rose tint life and tries hide truth from people of pain, suffering, reality or even the things one thinks others may judge them on

I’ve decided that I want to write my blog, for no other reason than to express myself. I’m me, I’m crude, I’m rude, I swear, I’ve dated a lot, I love sex, I get depressed, I prefer to drink champagne and have a smaller meal than a big meal, I haven’t thought I’m good enough, I’ve tried to be someone different to please others, I love my mum so much I can’t explain, I would prefer to spend time with my family that superficial friend who don’t give a fuck!and I’ve also denied who I am thinking it would make people like me! So here goes, me me me!!!

So this week I had my first netflixs and chill… (Google urban dictionary if you want a definition) Well actually Netflix and red wine but that’s besides the point! I’m sure it really wasn’t the first as I’m sure many a time one starts a film and moments into it you start kissing, one thing leading to another until it’s over . But as far a a “date” goes this was a winner. 

It was great, it was honest, black and white, it was fun, he was young, maybe too young in some people’s eyes, it was real and raw and we stayed up all night! And for he first time in a year I felt connected to a man, I felt connected mentally and physically and I would do it all over again, and again and again!!! I always thought I wanted someone older but I’ve kind of changed my mind! And you know what, you can tell, you can tell from the moment you stand near someone and they put their arm around you if your going to make fire works or be just vanilla. Thanks to this night I’ve realised that it’s not worth wasting the moments with the ones that don’t make yourTummy feel funny and your giggle go a few octaves higher! 



I’ve been on a male detox and now I’m ready for a serious retox!!!! With an injection of being raw! Role on my raw retox! 

Packing for how long!?!

So my penultimate night is drawing near and my bags need to be packed… I set out this morning thinking it would be rather simple doing the final trek to the storage garage, some final good byes and then the dreaded suitcase. But no!

It hit me that in this rather large but not wardrobe sized suitcase, everything I will be wearing, using and living in would be here in front of me! How the hell do I know what shoes I want to wear tonight let alone in a few months! 

But… My aim being to get a more simple and less materialistic life starts now I suppose. Ruthless In choices and options I was on my way to zipping up the bag! 

Nearly through my landlord turns up… With the new tenant and two kids! Half an hour later after the new tenant asking for new paint, new switches, oh the kid needed a poop-IN MY TOILET and directions on heating I nearly burst! In my head I was saying ” just all fuck off this is my space, my home, my bubble, I’m not gone yet so just get out and leave me for my last day!” Instead I just said I must get on and 20 more minutes later they left! 

My suitcase isn’t done… I’m in bed with netflixs and peanut butter it’s quiet and calm and nothing is on my walls, floors or infact anywhere. I have my bed and a suitcase surrounded by a mini explosion of my belongings! It can wait though i want to savour my little space for one last time! 
By the way have you heard of netflixs and chill….. For those of you not married get involved, I must say it’s rather fun!!! Especially when a cheeky bottle of red is involved….

Dear Ida

Dear Ida 
Today is the 17th August 2016 and my heart broke when I said good bye to you for I don’t know how long. 
You have been the most amazing addition to my world and I can’t remember what it was like with out your angel face in it! 


You have changed something inside me and I’ve never felt love like I feel for you! 

You are going to have the most wonderful life, full of so many experiences and above all so much love from us all.

Just know that whatever happens everything will always be alright. Everything works out and for every fall there is a bigger celebration waiting. 


For every challenge there’s an amazing reward even if you can see it at the time. 

Trust your gut as it is always right. 

Follow your heart as your the only one who can be true to it. 

Know that everything you will ever need is inside you. You are amazing. You are Ida. 

I will love you forever and think of you always,however near or far i am. 

And when it’s your turn to go off my heart will break a little again but I’ll always be there waiting for you.

I love you

Lala xxx

Roll on the bubbles, the tears and the butterflies…

If I’m honest I never thought I would be in this situation… The one where I can truely say I’m happy and enjoying every moment I live. I thought I would drift along and just settle. But I am loving my life and I can’t wait to see what lies ahead.


Yesterday I got to thank each person who has impacted me in a different way in my life. I could name everyone but won’t as I will bore you and you probably know who you are if your reading this and know how uve been there for me!

It was an amazing feeling watching people I care for all in one space yesterday , all smiling and interactive. So many different people in so many eclectic walks of life and all connecting in my childhood garden! 

As the sun set a crazy purple colour, a final group sat around the bonfire and I felt totally in love with them all! I love the way hey make me laugh until my eyes crinkle and maybe get the odd snort thrown in… Telling story’s and tales along with hopes and dreams! 


After the final two left my best friend and I ran up the lane to another party we could hear, we gatecrashed and danced the night away with kids half our age probably looking like granny’s on the dance floor, but hey one life live it!!!! 


Today my feet ache but my heart is happy! My flat only has a bed in it and I have bottles and bottles of champs to get through this week! Roll on the bubbles, the tears and the butterflies! 


Life is what you make it and now I’ve decided to really make it!!! To make it amazing, I have to trust my gut and take a jump into the whirlwind of the unknown!  

Hands down

I’ve woken up this morning a little confused, have I actually finished my business, did I actually hang my hand up last night?
I did I did! It was the most strange feeling closing the door for one last time on a clients. 

My last client happened to be one of my best friends which made it even more special. She left me with a very poignant gift…


 As I closed the door I had this huge out breath I had never experienced before like a weight was being pushed out of me and off my shoulders and I was free. 
I Facetimed my mum and she did a celebratory dance and said the wine was ready! 

Instead of stripping the couch to wash everything as normal I collected all the towels in a ball and threw them in a black back to throw! 

Now I lay here this morning I realise what a significant sign! Really throwing it all into the past!

I whizzed up to my parents and a big glass of my papas favourite chateau nef du pape was set out next to a huge bonfire already set up with seating for my Bon voyage! Mum, dad and I sat and chatted and I looked at these two amazing people, two people over the years I had taken for granted and misunderstood so very much but now all I see is beauty in them, compassion and complete love from them and too them. With out them backing all the chapters I have opened and closed across the years things would of been so much more tricky and also a lot harder. But with them every ending has been made into a spectacular start! 


Now the sun has woken me up super early on the first bloody day I could sleep all day if I wanted!!! So I’m up and pumped and off to set up for my party, the biggest thing I’ve hosted, I just hope everyone comes!!!!!!! Chin chin to fresh beginnings! 

The end of the beginning 

All that stands in my flat is the loyal massage table,alone in what was a cosy shabby chic clad treatment room. This has been my home from home and what I’ve know for years and now it’s empty. Two days of clients to go and final good byes, it feel strange, some I know I will always be connected to and others it’s been a lovely fleeting partnership that now has simply ended. 

I will miss the regular chats and putting the world to right. I knew my treatments were important but I think for some of us they are almost therapy like sessions of mulling through our lives ups and downs and ins and outs. For me this will be the most sad thing to part from.

I fell into Masaage by mistake after an injury myself then regular treatments after that! So organically it became my life and for nearly 13 years it has been my talent and my business. I’m not too sure whether after my break travelling I will want to continue but it’s an intuitive and innate skill within me I don’t ever loose. At this time it is comforting to know this.

This is the end of my new beginning!!! 

The 8 week turn around! 

So the feeling came back again, the I’m not ment to be to be here anymore. It happened 10 years ago whilst I was in Australia, my studies had come to a close i was unhappy in my relationship and I knew it was time. 

I had left 5years  before and Had promised myself I had no limit I would simply leave when “I had done my time” and I did. 
So now it was round two, on a beach in Barbados looking out at the ocean in all its power I realised that on my return to the uk I would soon be leaving to have a fresh experience once again. 

I returned from that trip and cried for four days just insisting to everyone I would be going. I was told I was chasing a dream that everyone wants to chase but never does. I think that put a little more challenge in my decision, putting more fire in my belly than was already there.

It’s now 2 months on and in two weeks in leaving for my travels. 

In the last two months I have gradually closed down my massage business of 10years, packed up my flat, sold half of my belongings, started helping a start up peanut butter company, booked flights and now start saying goodbye to my friends and family! 
Two weeks  to go! Let the emotions flow!!!